I love running. I started running properly earlier in the year and quickly caught the bug. I began a running streak that lasted 34 days, did a few races, and caught the racing bug too. Then I got a bit overenthusiastic about beating a 10K PB and buggered my knees. In the end, I took 10 weeks out of running. On a scale where 1 is mopey and 10 is super duper mopey, I was around about a 12. I had a lot of pain when I eventually started lacing up my trainers again. Sometimes it subsided after a few hours, sometimes a few days. I thought that maybe running wasn’t the right sport for me, but I didn’t want to do anything else.
But, after a couple of weeks [cue Saturday Night Fever dance sequence] I was running pain free. [You can all join in the flash mob: I know you’re happy too.] The first week or two were really difficult. Motivation wasn’t easy. My fitness had taken a hit because I hadn’t cross-trained while I was out. But, over the past week or so I started to really settle into it. My breathing was steadying, I could get into a rhythm and I smiled lots before, during and after my (albeit pretty short) runs. My body was feeling really good and I had a “yes Soph, you can do this” moment.
Yesterday, I was running in the woods. I misstepped, slipped on a big-ass tree root and rolled my ankle. I hopped to a tree and stayed there until my lovely, lovely rescuer arrived and hunted me down following my GPS pin drop in the woods. The GPS pin drop was pretty unsuccessful, but with the help of a cyclist and another runner, we managed to find each other and get back to her car. She drove me home, found me a bag of frozen peas and offered to take me to the walk-in clinic, pick up anything I needed and stay with me to make me feel better. But other than the nasty pain, I felt okay.
My ankle started to swell. I called work and apologised at least four times. I felt pretty stupid. I knew I should have been more cautious, especially when I was on a trail route I didn’t know. I came off the phone and shed a few tears. A few tears quickly turned into a full-blown ugly crying session. I breathed a few deep breaths and calmed down. I needed to use the toilet, which required going up to the first floor. I pulled myself up the stairs, then decided a bath would make me feel better, so I might as well make the most of the effort I put into getting up the stairs and have a soak while I was there. I got into the bath, wrapped my arms around my legs and cried some more. Getting out of the bath was an interesting challenge, but I managed eventually.
I couldn’t go into work today because driving is a crucial part of my job and I can’t safely operate the right foot pedals at the moment. I feel pretty useless and pretty stupid. Yesterday I slumped and it’s carried over into today. I know this won’t last forever, but I still feel like it’s kicked me. It’s frustrating because it was avoidable. It’s my own fault.
Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, folks. Sometimes it just sucks, and that’s okay. It’s not okay. But it’s okay.
RICE, RICE, baby.