Mental Health & Wellbeing

Dear Bipolar

Dear Bipolar,

I’ve known you for a while now and I feel like I can call you my friend. I know you’ve always thought that we’ve had a good friendship, but I haven’t felt the same – until now. You’re one of those people that no one likes to acknowledge they hang out with. Sorry to be so blunt. The truth hurts.

You’ve been around as far back as I can remember, but I didn’t see you were there for a long time after you came into my life. You’ve always just been there. When I started getting to know you, I decided in a heartbeat that I didn’t want anything to do with you. I put you in a box and left you to wither and die. Except you didn’t wither and die. It just pissed you off a lot and you burst out screaming and shouting and throwing things. That was a low point in our friendship, we can both admit that. Finally I feel comfortable with you being around, and I don’t think I mind if you stay.

You’ve not always been the best influence in my life: that’s important to acknowledge. Sometimes you’ve really hurt me: called me names, broken my heart, made me sad. Then there were times when I let you take up so much space in my life that there wasn’t room for anything else. I ignored my friends and my family, stopped eating and drinking, gave up on almost everything else in my life. Call it an infatuation. It was a phase. Sorry, again, to be so blunt. We’re friends now, so I’m allowed to be honest. You, I, and everyone else know that it will probably come back and I’ll get hooked on you again, but I can handle it now.

Things have changed. Your temper has cooled and you aren’t so vicious. Maybe that’s you, or maybe that just the permanent and undeniable threat that I will send your ass back to hospital if I have to. Hospital isn’t that bad, but I know you hate it because they put you in a time out until you calm down and say sorry, and from experience you don’t like admitting you’re in the wrong.

And me, I’ve changed too. I’m assertive and bold, and I’ve started working out, so I could definitely take you in a fight. I also have backup now (full on riot police backup) and they’d give me a cup of tea, sit me in an armchair and let me watch while they took you out. They’re great. They’re actually really lovely people once you get to know them, just don’t make them angry.

I know that you’re here to stay. I’m okay with that.

Sophie

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