So, it’s been a crazy month – a rollercoaster month. The last time I published a post was nearly a month ago, and everything seems to have changed since then. I had a really tough few weeks towards the end of March and the beginning of April – a blog post going into a bit more detail about that will follow, just as soon as I find the best way to articulate myself.
In the time since, we made the decision to move back to Horsham, our hometown. This means leaving my beloved St. Albans. A small piece of me feels deeply sad about going; I’ve fallen in love with my new town over the last six months and, in some ways, I really don’t want to go. But there are reasons for why we made the decision to come back home: the first, money. St. Albans breaks the bank. Our flat was great for our budget, but we quickly outgrew it and realised that we needed to find somewhere a bit bigger for us to settle, and that was going to break the bank if we stayed in St. Albans. The second reason was that my course was the reason we moved to our beautiful town in the first place, and it wasn’t a good enough reason to stick around. I’ve enjoyed aspects of my course, but it isn’t for me. At first, I gave myself a hard time for giving up, but I’m learning that it’s okay to move on when things don’t work out. It’s much better that I make that decision now than in another year’s time when I’ve spent two years plodding along. I’m also going to write a blog post reflecting on my first year (not necessarily my only year – we’ll see) of university. The third reason for moving is that we never really left. Our friends and family are mostly around Horsham, so Chris has spent the last six months driving for 3 hours to work and back each day, followed by at least one trip back per fortnight (generally more frequently than that). He rarely has a day where he isn’t driving a long distance, and that sucks. We never wanted to say goodbye to Horsham, but that also means that we haven’t really settled in St. Albans because we don’t spend enough time there, which leads onto the fourth reason: we both need more support. As I said, I’ve had some tough weeks recently and Chris has carried a lot of that, which hasn’t been easy. I found some really great support through the local Bipolar UK support group and I’m really sad to be leaving that behind – they gave me a huge amount of support when it felt like no one could possibly understand what I was experiencing. But one meeting once a month couldn’t ever be my entire support system apart from Chris.
Despite my sadness for leaving St. Albans and leaving university, things are looking really positive from where I am. I have two new jobs, both doing hospitality work, which is what I feel most at home doing, and today we put down a deposit to rent a two bedroom house. So things are good.