The past week has been one of those rollercoaster weeks. In some ways, these weeks are the hardest – soaring and then crashing in a very undignified manner. But the hardest part is when it repeats itself and you swing backwards and forwards between high and low, bliss and anxiety, energy and lethargy.
At the beginning of last week, I was being super productive, generating lots of new creative ideas, desperate to get out of the house and swim, run, walk, do military fitness (blog post to follow!) in whatever free time we had. Although I was feeling creative, my attention span was terrible. My appetite vanished and I felt like I didn’t need food to sustain me, or sleep for that matter – my sleep went down to about 3-4 hours a night, but my energy stayed up. Then by Wednesday, my energy was replaced with lethargy and I didn’t want to socialise, but forced myself to follow through with a couple of commitments I’d already made. By Friday, I felt completely detached from myself, almost numb except for a constant nausea in the pit of my stomach. I then emerged from the numbness into sensitivity and anxiety – questioning my worth, feeling tearful, easily upset by minor or nonexistent actions or tones of voice. But it’s Monday now: I’ve emerged out of the anxiety and the buzz isn’t so buzzy anymore, so I think this is me balancing back out.
Meanwhile, Chris is as patient as a saint – keeping up with my spontaneous, exhausting, annoying buzz of energy, and then comforting me and accepting me in my lows. I can’t imagine the challenge it is for him, when I’m going backwards and forwards without rhyme nor reason. More often than not, there seems to be no real and reasonable trigger to my mood changes, and so finding a pattern can be difficult. Dealing with me when I’m low is hard enough. Dealing with me when I’m high is hard enough. Dealing with me when I’m bouncing between the two… well I’m grateful he’s the patient, loving, forgiving person he is.
If you’d like more information on bipolar disorder for yourself or for someone you know, then you can visit the Bipolar UK website by following the link below.