In September, I’m moving to London to go and study Criminology. I’m really excited about it – it’s a great opportunity to live in London while I study something I know I’ll enjoy.
But it’s not Nursing.
Nursing is what I really want to do. But, for a couple of reasons, I can’t right now. Initially I thought I’d just carry on as I was and do what I’m doing now. To me, it felt like Nursing was my path and I’d become so invested in it that I didn’t really want to do anything else. Then I thought about it and realised that I don’t need to have one goal, one path, one journey I can take. I don’t believe in destiny. I believe that I should try things on to see what fits. If studying youth justice and becoming a social worker fits, then that’s great. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too, I can try something else. So many of us have dreams of adopting the identity of this one thing – for a long time for me, it was about becoming a chef – and we follow that path, wholeheartedly, whether it fits or not. I realised a while ago that I didn’t want to become a chef anymore, but I carried on trying to force myself back into loving it. Then I decided to give up. It was such a good feeling when I decided I wasn’t obligated to follow a dream I had when I a few years ago when I was a different person with different goals and different ideas of happiness. And when I gave up, I felt like I could do anything.
This wasn’t the plan. But I’ve given up on sticking to plans!