Mental Health & Wellbeing

Hello Bipolar Sophie

I have bipolar disorder. I was only diagnosed recently, but the diagnosis has meant that I can finally put a name to what I’ve been feeling and experiencing.

Right now, I’m very, very low. Depression has a way of catching you when you’re at your best, pushing you off the edge of the Moon back to Earth. So that’s where I am – falling. It’s a rapid descent and I’ve got nothing that can slow me down.

I’m on medication and am trying to see if I can get some kind of talking therapy, but I know the pattern and I’m losing hope for being able to stop this one in its tracks. I tried, but nothing has moved fast enough to slow down the decline of my mood. I don’t want to get up in the mornings, I’m pessimistic, I cry all the time, I’m easily shaken by things that don’t go to plan, I fall into panic at the thought of facing a new day, and I’ve completely lost myself. I’m not myself. I’m an optimistic, happy, bubbly, excitable person who loves life. Now, going to work, getting out of bed, seeing friends, even tidying my room all seem like completely overwhelming tasks.

I’m scared by it, because I recognise the patterns and I know that this never goes away overnight. I’ve been trying to get better and I’m just getting worse. I want to be me again.

Sophie x

7 thoughts on “Hello Bipolar Sophie

  1. Welcome to the bastard bipolar label; it won’t alter who you are, but it will change the way you think. When I was diagnosed, I was in shock for 24hrs, then I cried my eyes out. The bipolar community on wp is great, loads of support. Good to meet you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was the same. The diagnosis felt harsh and dramatic and I didn’t really know how to react or feel. You’re completely right, it has changed the way I think. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Good to meet you too.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Sophie, As a fellow person who has bipolar I totally understand what you are going through. Try and be as positive as you can and i am sure you’ll be fine. Any time you need to talk to anyone feel free to @ me on twitter or follow my blog x

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  3. Bipolar Sophie: thanks for sharing. I was diagnosed a year ago and have felt the emotions you are going through right now. I have many ups and many downs. I’m working hard to get into a routine because I have successfully pushed this disease away for a long period of time, and I did it through strict exercise, nutrition, and abstinence from alcohol. I look forward to reading more about your journey. Keep your chin up. We can beat this! šŸ˜‰

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    1. Thanks for commenting bipolar2runner – just knowing that other people are going through or have gone through the same thing is so reassuring. I think getting a routine is important for me. I don’t have one at all at the moment and I don’t think it’s helping.

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      1. I’m taking small steps, but have an eye on a bigger goal. When I succeeded before, it was all about feeling good everyday. Small victories add up. For example: my ultimate goal is to get my businesses back up and successful, and to run the Boston Marathon again. However, my first goal is simply to run a meager 3 miles per day, and to stay off of alcohol… So far so good. What do you like to do for fun?

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